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Part 1, Scene 3: (Where Sailor Charon confronts Jedite)
Author: Take 1, Action!
Charon: So, Jedite--
Author: Cut! Charon, Kuiper's not in this scene. Take him off your costume.
Charon: It doesn't say that!
Author: He's the backup plan, remember? The audience doesn't know about him until Scene 6, but he can't be in this scene.
(Sailor Charon hands Kuiper's disk to the Author)
Part 1, Scene 3: (Where Sailor Charon confronts Jedite)
Jedite: I suppose you're going to make some dramatic speech about love and justice now.
Charon (In an extremely high-pitched voice): I am Sailor Charon, Champion of Justice! On behalf of the moon Charon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil. And that means you!(Jedite starts laughing. We hear a crash off camera)
Author: Aw, great, Pyrite and Cryolite fell out of the tree. Charon, cut it out.
Charon (In an extremely high-pitched voice): I can't. I used helium to make my voice sound like this.
Part 1, Scene 3: (Where Sailor Charon confronts Jedite)
Jedite: I really can't deal with this now, especially if you bring your little friends into this.
(Jedite throws a dark energy ball. It hits Sailor Charon)
Author: Charon, you were supposed to get hit by the next energy blast!
Charon: Ow! Next time, I get a stunt double!
Part 1, Scene 4: (Where the DigiDestined meet Jedite)
Author: Take 1, Action!
Kari: This is really nice.
(Two boys and two Digimon run up)
Takato: Davis, could I have your autograph! Make it out to Takato.
Davis: Sure, anything for a fan.
Author: Cut! No Digimon Tamers! Takato, get Guiomon away from the picnic. We need that food!
Guiomon: It's good food!
Henry (to Author): I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.
Part 1, Scene Four: (Where the DigiDestined meet Jedite)
(Jedite, Pyrite and Cryolite enter)
Davis: Who do you think you are?
Veemon: Yeah, you ruined our food!
Takato (off camera): No, that was Guiomon. Sorry again.
Author: Go home, Takato. And take Henry, too. Unless he wants to help Izzy with special effects.
Henry: Do I!
Part 1, Scene Four: (Where the DigiDestined meet Jedite)
Jedite: Will you two just get on with it! Tell them to attack those kids' pet monsters.
ExVeemon: Who are you calling a pet!
Jedite: Well, obviously you.
Author: Jedite! Stick to the script!
Jedite: I'm tired of being a villain! Why can't I do some comedy?
Author: Because I said so, that's why!
Part 1, Scene 5 (Where Sailor Charon meets the DigiDestined)
Charon: Listen, as much as I hate to interrupt this heartfelt scene, we need to get all of your friends up. I need to ask you guys some questions.
(Yolei nods and walks over to Davis, who is still lying on the ground)
Davis (as if talking in his sleep): But I don't wanna go to school, mommy.
Author: Davis!
Part 1, Scene 5 (Where Sailor Charon meets the DigiDestined)
(The DigiDestined are gathered around Sailor Charon right before she takes them to the Digital World)
Charon: I call upon... the power of Greyskull!
Author: Charon!
And again...
Charon: Digi-Armor Energize!
Author: Cut it out!
And again...
Charon: I choose you, Pikachu!
Author: Listen, do I have to do the scene myself, in your costume?
Charon: Okay, who here would like to see the Author in a Sailor Suit?
(Sailor Charon raises her hand. The DigiDestined and Digimon do the same.)
Author: Stop it!
Part 1, Scene 6 (Where Ken tries to escape)
Author: Take 1! Action!
Kuiper (off camera): Psst!
Ken (waking up): Aw, *beep*.
Author: Cut! Ken, since when do you swear?
Ken: Well, I thought, since I probably would be in a really bad mood when I woke up... Besides, I'm sick of being the sensitive one. I have all these crazy girls stalking me!
Author: This is family fanfic. I can't even write what you just said! No ad-libbing! And anyway, for about half this fic, you're the evil one. You aren't sensitive!
Part 1, Scene 6 (Where Ken tries to escape)
Ken: Jedite's the one who kidnapped us? Are my friends okay?
Kuiper: Your Digimon, your friends, I suppose next you're going to want to know if your hair looks okay?
Ken: Well, does it?
Kuiper: Does it what?
Ken: Does my hair look okay?
Author: I'm going to kill all of you. Stick to the bloody script!
Ken: I think the author's going British on us.
Part 1, Scene 7 (Where the DigiDestined get to the hidden base)
Davis: There's a path up to a door. It must be the entrance. Come on, can't I have better lines than that?
Author: Don't make me hurt you.
Davis: I can act! I can even do Shakespeare!
(Davis strikes a dramatic pose)
Davis (in a really awful British accent): To be or not to be...
Author: And William Shakespeare is turning in his grave.
Part 1, Scene 7 (Where the DigiDestined get to the hidden base)
(Ken (in his Emperor costume) and Wormmon enter)
(Davis starts loudly humming the 'Imperial March' from Star Wars)
Author (laughing): Davis! Appropriate, but wrong series. 'Kay, cut!
Part 1, Scene 7 (Where the DigiDestined get to the hidden base)
Author: Let's try that again. Action!
(Ken (in his Emperor costume) and Wormmon enter)
(Davis runs up and dumps a bucket of water on Ken)
Ken (breaking character): Davis! This costume's 'dry clean only'! And there went the hair gel! What did you do that for?
Davis: Well, I saw this T. V. show...
Author: Davis! This is not Ranma 1/2! (walks over to a dripping wet Ken and touches his shoulder). Anyway, you're supposed to use warm water to reverse a change. Cold water provokes one.
Davis: Oh. Oops!
Author: You're lucky this isn't a Ranma 1/2 crossover. Hey... (takes out a notebook and jots down an idea) Heh, heh, heh...
Ken: Nice one, Davis. I really hope she doesn't write that.
Part 2, Scene 2 (Charlotte, Kari and T.K. in the SM universe)
Charlotte: There's a bus station just around the corner.
(she turns corner, and runs head-first into Raye)
Charlotte: I am so sorry... Oh, dear. Medic!
(Camera pans down to Raye, who was knocked cold. )
Gatomon: Well, I guess we know how Sailor Charon defeats her enemies: she runs into them.
Part 2, Scene 3 (Raye describes her dream)
Amy: What was there, Raye?
Raye: It was a bug-
Serena: Where! Ew! Squish it!
Author: No, Serena, that was her line. And I thought Davis and Sailor Charon were bad.
Davis and Sailor Charon: We heard that!
Part 2, Scene 3 (Sailor Charon explains the situation)
Charon: Emphasis on was -- two universe hopping miscreants named Pyrite and Cryolite woke him up.
(Kuiper's holograph shows a picture of Cryolite, Pyrite and Jedite. Someone had drawn mustaches on them. )
Author: Charon!
Charon: It wasn't me!
Kuiper: Heh heh heh!
Part 2, Scene 3 (Sailor Charon explains the situation)
Charon: Turn up the volume here, Kuiper
Kuiper: What do I look like, your personal secretary? I'm a doctor, not a remote control. Oh, wait. I'm a computer, aren't I?
Charon: No duh.
Part 2, Scene 4 (The group gathers to return to the Digital World)
(Charlotte is about to transform)
Charlotte: Charlotte-mon Digivolve to SailorCharon-mon.
Author: Not funny.
Part 2, Scene 5
Author: Okay, where is everybody?
(the Author goes in to the trailer. A TV is set up and Davis, Ken (in his Emperor costume), Sailor Moon, and Sailor Mars are playing Super Smash Bros.)
Davis (as Mario): Ha ha! Eat fire, Ken!
Ken (as Ness): You missed! Since you're such a pyromaniac, how about some PK Fire!
Moon (as Jigglypuff): Why am I sleeping? I don't want to be sleeping!
Mars (as Samus): Jigglypuff is just like you, meatball head.
Moon (as Jigglypuff): Ha! Now you're sleeping!
Mars (as Samus): Hey, no fair hitting me when I'm asleep
Author: Guys, rule number one: if you play Super Smash Brothers, you have to let me play. Get back on the set!
Part 2, Scene 5 (The confrontation with the Digimon Emperor)
Author: Take 1, Action!
Davis: Ken, we're your friends! You've gotta remember! These lines suck!
Author: Just shut up or I'll make you read bad Digimon fanfic.
Part 2, Scene 5 (The confrontation with the Digimon Emperor)(Sailor Moon enters)
Sailor Moon: Stop right there! My name is Sailor Moon, champion of justice. On behalf of the Moon... um, line?
Author: How many times have you said this? And you still can't do it from memory? Sailor Charon did it from memory!
Sailor Mars: Serena had cue cards back on the show. Spelled phonetically!
Sailor Moon: That is not true!
Part 2, Scene 5 (The confrontation with the Digimon Emperor)
(the Control Spire collapses)
Davis: Yeah!
Ken: No! (to Jedite) It was your job to secure the construction. Why'd you let those kids destroy my Control Spire!
(Jedite smacks Ken)
Author: Cut! Jedite!
Ken: Ow. That hurt!
Jedite: What? That was in character! He was annoying me!
Part 2, Scene 5 (The confrontation with the Digimon Emperor)
Ken: Airdramon was our ride back: you meddling Sailor Scouts will pay for this! And your cats!
Author: Ken, the line is 'nosy Sailor Scouts'. Now this sounds like a bad Scooby Doo parody.
Part 2, Scene 5 (The confrontation with the Digimon Emperor)
Ken: Airdramon was our ride back: you nosy Sailor Scouts will pay for this!
(he and Wormmon turn to walk away)
(Renamon comes from out of nowhere and starts fighting Wormmon)
Wormmon: Hey, that hurts! Stop that!
Author: Rika! This is not a Tamers Crossover! Call Renamon off!
Rika: Why? Digimon exist only for fighting. And only the strong survive. If cape boy's Digimon can't take it...
(Ken walks over to Rika, about to give her a piece of his mind.)
Author (waves Ken off): Okay, that's it! I have had it with all of you! Henry! Take Rika back to the trailer and make her watch all of the Season 02 Digimon episodes. Renamon, you too.
Rika: You can't make me.
Author: Yes, I can. I'm the Author. And the next person who annoys me gets forced to read bad Digimon or Sailor Moon fanfic in which they act totally out of character.
Part 2, Scene 6 (Wormmon finds the DigiDestined's camp.)
Charon: Do your thing, Sailor Moon.
Moon: Moon Crystal um... thingee something!
(Author starts hitting her head against a tree)
Part 2, Scene 7 (Jedite's strategy room)
Cryolite: Unlike the Emperor's Dark Rings, these will work on both human and Digimon. Perhaps, then, we will no longer need him.
Jedite: Appealing. If I have to listen to him rant at me, or say, 'yes, your Highness' one more time, I don't know what I'll do.
Pyrite: I do. You'll slap him again.
Author: Cut! Pyrite!
Pyrite: You can't threaten me with fanfic. I'm your character.
(Author starts muttering about stupid ungrateful characters)
Part 2, Scene 7 (Jedite's strategy room)
Cryolite: Our boy emperor has left the building.
(Ken comes back on camera)
Ken (in a bad Elvis impersonation): Thank you, thank you very much.
Author: Come on! Etemon has a better Elvis impression than that. Wait a sec... Ken! That wasn't in the script! Don't make me...
Ken: What are you going to do? You already made me evil again?
Author (grins evilly): Just wait until the sequel...
Ken: I have a bad feeling about this.
Davis (off camera): Darn. I wanted to say that!
Part 2, Scene 8 (Sailor Charon and Kuiper patrol the woods)
(Sailor Charon is shining Kuiper like a flashlight. She acts like she sees something move, then jumps to shine the light in their face. It's Serena and Darien, kissing)
Charon: Um... Okay, break it up! This is a family fic!
Author: Serena! I do know the location of several fan fictions pairing you with Ken.
Serena: Well, he is kind of cute...
Darien: Should I be jealous?
(The Author starts hitting her head against a tree again)
Interlude
(we see the Author with a bottle of aspirin)
Author (reading): Okay, if I take two now, I can have another two in... four hours! Oh well, it's better than nothing. (swallows two aspirin)
Part 2, Scene 8 (Jedite finds Ken)
Jedite (holding energy net): Don't worry. This won't hurt me a bit.
(Ken does a really fake scream)
Author: Come on, Ken. I've seen you scream better than that.
Ken: Sorry.
(Several more takes of bad screams before Ken manages to shatter the Author's glasses with a scream)
Author: Yes!
Part 2, Scene 9 (Jedite, Pyrite, and Cryolite enter, with Ken unconscious)
Yolei: Oh my God! You've killed Ken, you--
Author: Don't even think about saying the next word, Yolei. I can't stand South Park.
Part 2, Scene 9 (Everyone is captured)
Luna: Remember, it's always darkest before dawn.
Author: Actually, it's quite light before dawn. (pauses)Darn it! Now you got me doing it!
(Everybody on the set is laughing)
Part 3, Scene 1 (Ken is imprisoned)
(Ken is walking around the room. He walks over to the ventilation duct to investigate it. He takes off his cape to see if he can crawl through the duct)
Yolei (off camera): Yeah, take it off, baby!
(Ken turns a rather deep shade of red, before putting his cape back on)
Author: Yolei!
Part 3, Scene 2 (Ken in the storage room)
(Ken picks up Kuiper)
Kuiper: (plays the Macintosh startup sound, then shows a picture of a smiling computer on his holoprojectors)
Author: Kuiper! You were created by the Moon Kingdom, not Apple!
Kuiper: I thought a little product placement would help.
Author (banging her head against the wall): I'm gonna get sued, and have to quit school to work at a McDonald's... Why me?
Part 3, Scene 2 (Ken in the storage room, after Cryolite was captured)
(Ken takes out the Digimon Emperor's whip from the box)
Cryolite: Cut! I want a stunt double! I thought you said this was a PG fanfic!
Author: Didn't you read the script?
Cryolite: Well... no. I had Pyrite read it and tell me what to say telepathically.
Author: I hate all of you.
Part 3, Scene 2 (Ken in the storage room, after Cryolite was captured)
(Ken takes off his jacket)
Yolei (off camera): Yeah, take it off, baby!
(Ken turns a rather deep shade of red, before quickly putting his jacket back on)
Author: Yolei! Don't do that again!
Part 3, Scene 3 (the captured guys)
Veemon: Well, let me try something. Vee Headbutt!
(Veemon headbutts the door. It collapsed)
Author: Who built this set!?
Part 3, Scene 7 (Cryolite and Pyrite's big exit)
Davis: So, you're going to surrender?
Cryolite: You really should pick your friends better, my young emperor. Surrender, indeed. Just because we won't fight, does not mean we're out of options. remember, the who fight and run away... Though you are far too interesting to leave forever, Emperor Ken.
Yolei (off camera): Hey, what are you doing? I saw him first! he's mine!
Author (sing-song): Yolei is jealous, Yolei is jealous!
Yolei: I am not!
Part 3, Scene 7 (Cryolite and Pyrite's big exit)
Ken: She makes me so angry...
Davis (doing a Yoda impersonation that is surprisingly good): Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Such is the way to the Dark Side.
Author: Note to self: Davis and Star Wars jokes don't mix.
Part 3, Scene 8 (the reunion)
(Ken exits the base)
Yolei: Ken?
(She runs up to hug him, and ends up running into him. Both of them fall down)
Charon: Medic!
Part 3, Scene 8 (the reunion)
Author: Let's try that again.
(Ken exits the base)
Yolei: Ken?
(She runs up to hug him, and, instead of doing that, kisses him)
The entire cast: Woo hoo! (applause)
Author: Yolei Inoue! What in the heck do you think you're doing!?
(Yolei releases Ken. He falls down. She kneels by him)
Yolei: I think he fainted.
Kari: Kiss him again. Maybe he'll wake up.
Author (to herself): And a million fan girls fainted with him...
Part 3, Scene 8 (the reunion)
(Kari holds up her camera)
Charon (looking at picture): Aw, man. Kari! You got your finger!
Part 3, Scene 8 (the reunion)
(Tai and Matt arrive)
Tai: Hi, guys! We thought we'd--
(June appears)
June: Oh, Ma-att! Davis said you'd be here, but he gave me the wrong directions. Again.
Jupiter: Hey, I saw him first!
(June and Sailor Jupiter start fighting over Matt)
Author: Come on, guys. Can't we just finish this?
So we did.
Later (in the editing room)
(the Author's friends, Sara and Kim, show up)
Author: Hi guys!
Sara: Hi!
Kim: Are you finished with Darkness before Dawn yet?
Author: Just need to finish editing.
(Sailor Charon enters)
Charon: My life sucks!
Author: Why? And where's Kuiper?
Charon: He has a date!
Author: With who? He's a computer!
Charon: Some artificial intelligence he met in another universe.
Author: Does she have a name?
Charon: Andromeda.
Author (tries to stifle giggles): Aw, how cute!
Charon: First Ken, and now this: Even my computer gets more dates than I do.
(Sailor Charon heads to the next room)
(Sara and Kim wander into the next room)
Sara: Um... Why are Serena, Davis, Ken and Yolei tied to chairs in front of computer screens?
Kim: And why do Davis, Serena, and Yolei look like they want to kill someone, and Ken look horribly embarrassed?
Author: Well, they were being annoying when I was making my fanfic, so I'm making them read bad fanfic. Davis has to read a bunch of Takari and Kenkari stories, Serena is reading all the Sailor Moon stories in which the authors killed her off, Ken's reading all the Kensuke, Kenyako, and Kenkari stories I found, not to mention a few crossovers I found pairing him with Serena. Yolei's reading what Ken's reading, minus the Kenyako stuff. (raises voice) And there will be a quiz! So don't just scroll through it without reading!
(Davis, Serena, Yolei and Ken groan collectively)
Charon: Hey, some of this stuff ain't half bad! There's nothing like a good romance to cheer me up. Move over, everyone.
Kim (to Author): You are evil.
Author: (tries an evil laugh, that doesn't quite work) Nope, just horribly ticked off. You wouldn't believe what they put me though... Hey, wait a sec. What happened to Rika?
Kim: Rika?
(The Author, Sara and Kim walk over to a TV. The final scenes of "Crest of Kindness" (you know, the ones where Izzy and Tai complement the new DigiDestined, and Matt has to ride home on the bus with June) are playing. Rika is crying)
Rika (sobbing): Poor Wormmon! Poor Ken! I don't believe they did that!
Renamon (hands Rika a tissue): Here, Rika.
(Rika blows her nose loudly)
Author: That one always makes me cry, too. Skip ahead to "Genesis of Evil". It will probably make you cry just as hard, but you'll feel better afterward.
(Rika stands up, looking at the Author, Kim, Sara and the camera)
Rika: Renamon, you know what to do.
Renamon: Got it.
(Renamon walks over to the camera. She punches it. Static)
The End
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